I hope for the love of God that John Rizzo will not rush off to criminal lawyer Joe Giglio, who also happens to represent Mr Rizzo in libel cases against this newspaper. So bear with me, dear John.
Why the hell do our politicians take this poor Commissioner of Police and dump their political games on his lap?
The last 24 hours have seen both political leaders post their requests to poor John to investigate Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando, the PN politician who has just lost his green badge. To be fair once again to Mr Pullicino Orlando, I cannot understand what JR is expected to investigate.
This is a farce. It started off with the great embarrassment with the revelation that JPO had a piece of land in picturesque Mistra that was leased to someone he did not know – his words – and who had applied for a discotheque – which he did not know about.
It is of course JPO’s version. If anyone believes JPO is another matter. But I guess if you do not believe JPO you must either be a Labourite (MLP) or a green (AD) or both (MLPAD), or else someone with a brain. The latter is something owned only by those who believe Alfred Sant is Lucifer.
Of course, it left quite a lot of egg on JPO’s face. It erased once and for all the image of the green politician – awarded to him, needless to say by Vince Attard, President of Nature Trust, the same person who, as a recently appointed member on MEPA, sanctioned the illegal boathouses at Dwejra, Gozo.
So yesterday, Dr Gonzi overtook Dr Sant and got to JR before. He asked JR to look into whether Sant's allegations over whether money exchanged hands making Pullicino Orlando… corrupt. Dr Sant arrived soon after and presented JR with some papers and asked him to do the same. Really, it was such a nice coincidence.
I am sure JR must feel that he is a very important man. At our age, feeling important is really quite essential most especially if you start putting on weight and losing sight of your navel.
To tell you the truth, though, I am really angry that we are paying taxes to transform JR into the political parties’ poodle. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying JR IS a poodle… but rather, that the parties WANT JR to be their poodle. Now how about that?
Now this is not the first time that JR has been asked to investigate. Dr Michael Falzon, who told us the other day that he gets to meet dozens of contractors through his job at Bank of Valletta some time ago, asked JR to investigate me.
The whole episode led JR to institute a libel suit against me and Michael Falzon’s namesake and of course a libel from the good “meet the contractors” Michael Falzon. Yes, the same Michael Falzon who did not raise his finger when Alfred Sant asked who of those before him had a swimming pool. Falzon has one of those socialist swimming pools which can take 60 people crammed in it at the same time.
Now JR must be really ruing the moment Eddie Fenech Adami chose him to lead the police corps after his predecessor’s sudden resignation.
What I cannot understand is what led JR to inform Dr Sant that he had already received a request by Dr Gonzi to investigate id-dentist Pullicino Orlando. (And please: why is it that most dentists on the Island end up owning land? Is it because dental science is linked to land use?)
Which leads me to ask: why is it that JR always refuses to answer questions if we ask if someone is under investigation? I trust that this was an oversight on the part of JR, but if it was not, that I hope it will set a precedent and as from today, he will start divulging which investigations are taking place.
But if I were JR I would really take the politicians and ask them to get on with their campaigning and leave the police to fight real crime and fraud.
In these last months, we have had numerous investigations by the police. Most of the conclusions are unknown and most of the allegations made over the last months will evaporate into thin air to be forgotten together with all the other news stories.
JR should stop being polite and tell Drs Sant and Gonzi that if they want corruption to be tackled seriously, they should beef up the Permanent Commission Against Corruption and give it executive powers and human resources. Well, let us leave JR for a moment, and turn instead to Dr Sant.
Dr Sant is as always an amazing man of contradictions. He said, did he not, that he considered the request by the Prime Minister to take all allegations of corruption to the Police Commissioner to be a “smokescreen”. The Maltese word for smokescreen is a Paraventu.
He said this not to his pet goldfish, but to thousands of human beings packed like sardines on the Granaries in Floriana, waving red flags and singing that silly song.
So when Dr Sant suddenly appeared at JR’s door, I could not help asking, is this the same Sant, Alfred? Yes it is.
Which is why when it comes to his absurd political promise that overtime will not be taxed, I am sure that after some time he will have to revisit the proposal. And the same with so many ill-thought proposals that are unbelievable for someone who represents a social democratic party.
I have said and I will say it again: both Dr Gonzi’s and Dr Sant’s tax cuts are irresponsible and should be thrown out of the window. And I will say it again, why has no one stuffed a microphone at Edward Scicluna for a comment? Why has no one rushed to Lino Briguglio and asked him a similar question? Or to Lino Delia, or to the other economists who spent years lamenting about the need to improve the fiscal regime, and now find no opportunity to repeat that opinion?

The last week of the campaign has been very exciting but it has also been very enlightening.
On the one side we have the PM saying that if he is voted into power he will get the job done and on the other side, we hear Sant who argues that there is need of a change because everyone in the Nationalist government is corrupt.
When I look at the new faces lined up to takeover government, I really have to admit that I am inspired. So inspired that I ask myself why Air Malta does not offer free flights for people to leave Malta on election day, instead of returning to vote.

One of the things that I cannot understand in the GonziPN campaign is: why is it that the better elements in the cabinet have been completely discarded from the campaign?
Austin Gatt, the bulldozer who gets things done and is effectively equivalent to 10 drowsy cabinet ministers, was completely absent in Gonzi’s appearances.
As a replacement we were regaled with Simon Busuttil. Angelic, soft spoken and as calm as a dormouse, but surely not of the calibre and pluckiness of any of the top ministers in both the Fenech Adami and Gonzi government.
The ploy undoubtedly originated from Joe Saliba, who continued to confirm how witty he can get with his decision to make Pullicino Orlando the centre of attraction in the last week of the PN campaign.
One thing I am sure of if Gonzi wins next Saturday: nothing will stop the sycophants from painting Gonzi as the success story of the century. And Joe Saliba as the greatest campaigner Malta has ever known.
But if he is not elected, then I will invite you to read my commentary in next Monday's election special!