Can you imagine anything scarier than waking up in bed with Chiara and Fabrizio Faniello? Cat AIDS perhaps.
I found myself in this nightmarish scenario some time this week early morning, TV still on from last night, and the video of ‘Iva, Flimkien Kollox Possibli’ (Theme from GonziPN) flashing. It felt like a dog’s paw clobbering my face incessantly, until I realised it was actually my dog pawing me in my face, most likely imploring me to switch off the TV. Dogs are sensitive that way.
The tell-tale signs, politically, are that the PN is intent on rekindling the glory of their European victory in 2003: focus on Alfred Sant’s intention to “re-open” the EU package over dockyards and agricultural subsidies; the return of the triumphalist ‘IVA’ affirmation in the PN slogan; the symbolism of 8 March. Electorally, it’s all about “peace of mind” and “security” – contrasted with the fearful prospect of “change” at Sant’s hands, or heaven forbid, “protesting” with an AD vote.
But the PN are at a loss musically. Again, as in 2003, a star-studded line-up of daytime TV presenters, musical nobodies and Eurovision heroes and heroines are supplicating you to vote for the PN. The video’s cornice is a soft misty border, making everything look like a dream sequence from a soap opera.
It’s a collection of clips of everyday people going about their perfect lives: kids playing, kids on the PC, an elderly couple pointing skywards, a young couple embraced in their wishful fantasy of perfect love. Only a terrorist attack could shatter this image of perfect Nationalist gemeinschaft.
As it happens – Fabrizio Faniello’s penetrative serial killer stare cuts through this slice of paradise (1min 31s); Mark Spiteri Lucas spitting out words like “familjaaaah” and “socccjeeetaaah” (1’52); and isn’t that Noel Gallagher from Oasis singing “we’ll take care of the family, not with words but by seriousness” (1’59)? Too right! There’s even William Mangion still sporting a black leather jacket at his venerable age, punching the air with his fist and twirling his arm (2’46), singing his lowest line ever (2’49): “biex il-poplu jgawdi b’sahhtu lesti nonfqu flejjes kbar” (we’re ready to pay big money for the people’s wellbeing). Cut to child star Montesin, a powerful slamming of the drums, and pitch goes up a semi-tone – the exultant chorus gets stronger, “Iva flimkien kollox possibli, infasslu dan il-pajjiz kif nixtiequh” and Chiara triumphantly echoes “kif nixtiequh”, reverberations running down her double chin (3’52).

Why all this crud for a bad song? Consider it as one of the side-effects of trying to understand what we’re actually voting for in this election. Once again, it’s an entirely millenarian apocalypse being proposed – you can see the panic buttons being pressed in the contributions penned by Austin Bencini, Eddie Aquilina and Daphne, and you want to ask ‘what is really at stake here?’.
And why should all those third-party voters who will be disenfranchised by the electoral system in any way, care? Why share in the alarm of those people who have the most to lose out of their party not securing the government of the day?
Every day it’s a nice hot serving of anti-politics from the party TV stations. Shorn of any real issues, all we’ve seen so far is a festival of consumption, and that’s what the parties do: feed our desire for more money to spend more. Now all that’s left to do is consider whether you want Gonzi or Sant satisfying this endless desire for less taxes, more money in hand, and less bills.
Labour’s vision of change is as radically different as Gonzi is to Eddie Fenech Adami. And the Nationalists are desperately trying to make us think that we’re voting our lives away to Sant. If you don’t belong to these two great majorities, well I’m afraid you’re nothing but a curmudgeon, obviously unable to consider such vital concepts as “the future”, or “peace of mind”, or “change”. You’re an enemy of progress, you filthy trouble-making anarchist. You probably can’t even drive. Why, when I was your age I was crawling up the staircase at the law courts on my belly. Look at me now, I’m the chairperson of a government board.