Opinion | Sunday, 11 April 2010

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Christian values? Yep, that’s us...

I never thought I’d see the day, but... what do you know? Lawrence Gonzi said something with which I actually agree.

It happened during an informal visit to the ‘Organising Committee for the Logistical Preparation for the Visit of His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI’ (I kid you not – it really exists), where the former President of the Catholic Action passed the following, extraordinary remark:

“I hope that next week’s Papal visit will put the values on which Maltese society was built in the spotlight...”

Well, what can I say? It’s hard to imagine how our Prime Minister could have been more earth-shatteringly correct... short of maybe wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the words: ‘I am a Christian Hypocrite (and so is my deputy leader, Dr Borg over here)’.
For yes, our PM has indeed hit the nail on the head. With one small inaccuracy: Pope Benedict’s visit has already cast a spotlight directly on the values that lie at the core of our national identity. In particular, the value of hypocrisy, without which (let’s face it) none of us would really be here to welcome His Holiness at all.

But let’s get straight down to business, starting with a firm favourite in this pot-hole potty nation of ours: the state of the roads. I’ll keep this part brief, because it already enjoys the status of joke of the century without any embellishment on my part. But in case you missed it, here’s how it works.
By resurfacing only those roads through which His Holiness (literally, in this case) is expected to pass – leaving the less fortunate parts of our country to rot in the dust and blemishes of their customary, Gaza-like environment – we have provide once and for all that the national stereotype of ‘Pajjiz Tal-Mickey Mouse’ is actually true. No, not just the product of a generation of viral email jokes and tired satirical comments... it is a FACT that this country is only concerned with the sugary, glitzy, Disney-like veneer of things – and even then, only for the benefit of looking good in the eyes of a foreign big-shot who will here tomorrow, and gone early the following morning.
In fact, we have achieved more than just prove the cynics right in every detail. We have illustrated, with monumental clarity, that so long as the entire road infrastructure doesn’t collapse precisely as the Popemobile drives right over it... then it doesn’t really matter if it collapses any time afterwards.

By the same token, I suppose it doesn’t really matter if the lights go out, and we are all left darkling for days on end, on account of our national inability to provde a decent energy service. So long as our substandard power stations don’t give up the ghost during the 17 hours of the Papal visit, then it’s perfectly OK.

And rightly so, I hasten to add. For if the Pope isn’t around to see it, then it can’t possibly qualify as a Sin... can it? And if it doesn’t qualify as a Sin, then we can carry on doing it over and over again, regardless of the consequences... right? I mean, isn’t that what Catholicism is all about? Sweeping all unpleasantness under the carpet (or in our case, covering it with a nice layer of sweet-smelling tarmac), so that we can all carry on enjoying our external holiness, while all along festering in a pit of inner sickness, filth and muck?

Yes indeed. What sort of cynical joke would this Papal visit be, if it didn’t also expose a disturbing and highly unpleasant blemish that we’d all rather pretend didn’t exist. Filling in potholes is after all perfectly fitting analogy for that classic motif which pervades the Gospel (for the benefit of those rare specimens of Christian who may have actually read snippets from the New Testament). Yes, you guessed it: we have progressed in leaps and bounds from ‘Whitewashed Sepulchres’ all the way to ‘Resurfaced Road Networks’, without so much as noticing the underlying irony.
At which point one simple has to ask: is it possible to be more hypocritical as a nation? Oh, but it is... in fact, you ain’t seen nuffin’ yet.

For you see, while our Prime Minister was busy hoping that Pope Benedict will help us rediscover our natural genius for hypocrisy, the Archbishop’s Curia was putting the final touches on the formal invitations for the Pontifical mass on the Fosos next Sunday (speaking of which... I haven’t received mine yet. Am I to assume it’s still in the post?)
Anyway, it seems there was a last-minute change of plan: Members of Parliament who are in a relationship outside marriage – or who are pogguti, to use the much-loved vernacular – have been told in no uncertain terms that their partners will not be welcome for the event. Pontifical masses, you see, are for married couples only. (I have been told that marriage certificates will be inspected at the door, but at the time of writing have been unable to confirm this detail.)

But, oh! The Curia’s impeccable sense of timing, to issue such a decree at a time when Dr Gonzi’s super-Catholic government has just announced it will be passing a Cohabitation Bill later this legislature! And how strange, too, that the Curia would suddenly develop an aversion to pogguti only now... and even then, only for the 1 hr 30 mins of the Papal Mass... and not at any point during all these years when the same pogguti MPs (or some of them, at any rate) regularly went to Church accompanied by their unmarried partners, without ever being upbraided for their state of Sin (still less denied sacraments, or told to vacate the premises altogether).

No, indeed. It is yet another case of ‘filling in the potholes’, while not actually fixing the underlying state of disrepair. For as long as Benedict’s not around to see it, these same MPs are not only welcome to attend Mass with their army of lovers in tow... but for all the Archbishop gives a damn, they can bring along the entire out-of-wedlock brood while they’re at it. It’s a subtle difference, and it took a Papal visit to make it visible: but as Catholics, we are all free to be Sinners for 364 days a year... except on that day his Holiness graces us with a visit, for which occasion everyone has to be a Saint.

Mind you, none of this would be in any way objectionable, if only His Holiness were just slightly more...well... Holy. For the fine art of filling potholes has in the last week alone grown a good deal finer and more sinister than anything we have ever seen before. Not only have we dutifully covered all our national rot under a lick of whitewash and a fine layer of asphalt... but we have somehow managed to bury Pope Benedict XVI himself under the same protective covering, too.

In fact, in some respects this Papal visit reminds me of that classic Fawlty Towers episode, ‘The Germans’ (or as I remember it, ‘Don’t Mention the War!’)
Only with a couple of small differences: the Papal episode is slightly less funny, and it’s official title is: ‘The German Cardinal – or Don’t Mention That Pope Benedict Has Been Directly Implicated In a Shocking Child Abuse Cover-Up Scandal... And This Time, There Is Even His Own Signature To Prove It!’

Suffice it say that, while the local Church authorities were publicly feigning horror over a couple of vandalised Papal billboards, in private they strove like the damned to hide from view any of the sinister revelations currently rocking Benedict’s entire papacy. Revelations such as those made on Friday by the Associated Press – i.e., that back in 1985, then Cardinal Josef Ratzinger wrote a letter urging the Bishop of California not to defrock a 38-year-old priest involved in several known child abuse cases. His reason? Because – and these are his words, not mine – the scandal would harm ‘the good of the Universal Church’.

So there you have it. People like the MPs on our front page today are being urged to hide their partners away in shame, so as not to offend a man whose only priority in 1985 was to defend the reputation of the Church... as opposed to the innocent victims of truly despicable crimes... and who shielded at least one known paedophile from prosecution, despite years of complaints from his California diocese.

I suppose we shall all now be told to show this man more ‘respect’. Respect? Pope Benedict? Where on earth is Aretha Franklin when you need her...

Most Excellent Bishop

Having received your letter of September 13 of this year, regarding the matter of the removal from all priestly burdens pertaining to Rev. Stephen Miller Kiesle in your diocese, it is my duty to share with you the following:

This court, although it regards the arguments presented in favour of removal in this case to be of grave significance, nevertheless deems it necessary to consider the good of the Universal Church together with that of the petitioner, and it is also unable to make light of the detriment that granting the dispensation can provoke with the community of Christ’s faithful, particularly regarding the young age of the petitioner.

It is necessary for this Congregation to submit incidents of this sort to very careful consideration, which necessitates a longer period of time.

In the meantime your Excellency must not fail to provide the petitioner with as much paternal care as possible and in addition to explain to same the rationale of this court, which is accustomed to proceed keeping the common good especially before its eyes.

Let me take this occasion to convey sentiments of the highest regard always to you.

Your most Reverend Excellency
Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger

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