Saviour Balzan | Sunday, 14 June 2009
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On being black and getting high on Rennies

I don’t know what it takes to hit the news, but surely if you want to be the talk of town you could do worse than to get beaten up in Paceville and die later, especially if you happen to be black.
When a black man got beaten up in Paceville, the usual questions were asked: “He must have been a kiesah!”
“Was he a troublemaker?”
“Did he hit anyone?”
“Was he rude to the bouncers?”
“Was he drunk?”
And the next round of discussion was on whether the bouncers are trained to punch to hurt, or to punch to kill. And better still, whether the security is licensed or unlicensed.
Who gives a f***? The truth of the matter is that a life has been lost, and simply because he is black it seems that it does not really matter that very much. Exactly, next time you have an argument, check the pigmentation. If the spectrometer reads black then take out your baton and bludgeon the guy until his brains spill out on the pavement.
One should thank the politicians, who after weeks of solemn declarations on immigration being the biggest and most serious problem facing us, convinced you that immigrants are taking your work, that immigrants are to blame for your bad mood, that the Africans are to blame for the hot weather, the potholes, the utility tariffs, the next bone density scan at Mater Dei that was put off for 13 months, and that the crêpe suzette you tried making for your girlfriend was a flop.
Then after coming to terms on how migrants have impacted your life, you finally appreciate why a burly bouncer ‘punches’ a black guy and wrings his neck until the man is made to look like a wryneck.
In other countries, such the Italian Island of Lampedusa, the Church, the mayor and the politicians congregated to show their solidarity for people who died on their voyage to Europe – a case in point being the pregnant woman aboard the Pinar, during the Italy-Malta standoff. Let alone those who are murdered in Italian cities like Rome, usually for racial motives.
In this country, where the importance of being seen to be religious and part of the Roman Catholic Church is synonymous to being fashionable, the fact that a black man has died is apparently of no consequence.
I would like to see the looks on all those believers who on departing from this wonderful life on planet earth, find their place in Paradise, only to discover that God is black and his cherubs are pygmies from Central Africa. All scored by an Earth, Wind and Fire track of course.

The Cardinal strikes again
No matter how much the Cardinal tries, no matter how long his toady hanger-ons rake dirt on their opponents, the days of the privileged Cachia Caruana and Gonzi aficionados are clearly numbered.
First we had The Times that tried very hard to rout out the so-called anti-GonziPN gang within the parliamentary group.
Then the latest tirade from within the PN, this time against Austin Gatt, perhaps proof of how Machiavellian THEY (1) can get. Until a few moons ago, they considered him indispensable and central to the party. Now they are trying to turn him into a scapegoat.
I have no brief for Austin Gatt (2) of course. I think his penchant for hard work and decisiveness do not justify his bulldozing tactics and short-sightedness. I do not like his apartheid politics. But he is the general and not the king.
Just in case you are a bit rough on regal hierarchy, the king is Gonzi and Cachia Caruana is his Cardinal Wolsey, or his consort of sorts. The court jester is surely Edgar Galea Curmi, but being so sensitive let me just say the man is just without a sense of a humour.
If the Cardinal wants all the blame to be apportioned on Austin Gatt, then he should start thinking about his future posting in Brussels. If Gatt goes down, then Cachia Caruana goes down as well. To Cachia Caruana, the idea of being the next Commissioner overshadows anything that happens in the PN. Even though most MPs do not want the Cardinal, it seems that Gonzi wishes him to take Joe Borg’s place.
But should we be so surprised if Cachia Caruana is being so Machiavellian when he whispers grand words about Gatt?
Do understand that the toads who are concerned that the end of the golden age of Gonzi and RCC is nigh (therefore spending hours on the phone or typing hate mail to suit their own ends) want GonziPN and RCC to continue, because they have so much to lose.
As one former senior PN official told me, Lawrence Gonzi has the same DNA as his uncle, l-Isqof Mikiel Gonzi (3). In the 1960s his uncle would order priests not to bless the homes of Labourites. It was Archbishop Gonzi who would outline the excommunication doctrine for Labourites. Gonzi has applied the same yardstick – he has intimated to his lieutenants that they only serve those who are servile and loyal to himself .
“We have nothing to lose. It does not make a difference who is in government anymore,” the former PN high official told me. “I know of at least six, not three, PN MPs who voted for Labour!”
No wonder so many pharmacies have run out of Rennies in the last days. I heard that Pierre Portelli, whose little fortune he amassed without any help from government, has just stocked up on a large consignment of digestive tablets. Elsewhere, I am informed there has been a run on pharmacies for Valium.
Now Richard’s new breed of sycophants include the likes of a very disagreeable character that comes by the name of Franco Debono. The young lawyer and Nationalist MP epitomises what politics should not be about. Here is a former St Aloysius boy who really stands for the imperfect politician, someone who knows everything about constituency work and what it takes to win votes.
He is one of the few politicians in the PN who is surprisingly close to the Cardinal and responsible for the failure of Louis Galea (4) to be returned to parliament in the last election. I really thought RCC had better taste.
Which brings me to the dirt campaign organised by the GonziPN clan to rout out dissenters who would rather have a PN, and not a GonziPN. As they launch into a whispering campaign (5) on the various exploits and private histories of some of the alleged members of this alleged gang, they should know that everyone has skeletons in their cupboard.
And perhaps they should also register the fact that if there is someone who does not give a hoot about what is to be found in his closet, then that person is me (6).
I have always had this great desire to stand up for the underdog, so if I do note that the GonziPN intend to launch their dirt campaign, they should know and register the fact that, within their ranks, one can also find a small but distinguished representation of: drug abusers; fraudsters; and philanderers.
And the same applies to all the creeps that portray themselves as defenders of the meek.
If there is anyone in this land who will name them, I am that person.
If they want to play dirty, then perhaps we should hang all the dirty linen out in the public to show what our MPs are really made of.

The cemetery
If there is one forgotten corner, it has got to be the cemetery at Addolorata. I am not quite sure how many gardeners and cleaners are around at this cemetery but I am told they are enough to keep the place clean and in pristine condition. And I am told that many of them clock late for work and leave early.
Since the departed do not have the vote, bear with me as I bore you with yet another grumpy eruption. The Addolorata is a dump, a pigsty and no one gives a damn about the disgusting state of this place.
What does it take to get a few workers to do their job? The only person who does his job well is the parker, who religiously runs after you with his hand outstretched waiting for a tip, saliva dripping from his mouth.
So if John Dalli and Joe Cassar are reading this bit, they would do well to act. Otherwise if they have no qualms about leaving Addolorata in such a state, would they mind doing us all a favour and write a memo to Gonzi to consider having a crematorium? Surely, his late uncle Michael Gonzi would be very excited about the idea.

Glossary for idiots:

(1) THEY are the ones who make it a point to preach about solidarity, the high moral ground, and who believe that there is a life after death. THEY will do everything possible to make your life miserable.
(2) Austin Gatt, the minister who would have the utility tariffs come what may. Known for his respect for etiquette and for treating his opponents with silk gloves.
(3) Isqof Gonzi: the miniscule archbishop who took Malta back to medieval times and who will be remembered for making so many Labourites sob in despair for being excommunicated from an outdated Church.
(4) Louis Galea, the part-time farmer from Fawwara who was promised the post of President of Republic, but only realised that when Gonzi makes promises he is only joking.
(5) Whispering campaign: a tactic developed by the illuminati in GonziPN to destroy any form of opposition.
(6) ME: the author of this column. His own closet includes stacks of undeclared €500 bills, photographs of himself in suggestive positions with his dog Oskar, fluffy handcuffs, inflatable dolls, 500g of SEMTEX, the complete works of Enid Blyton, a signed photograph of David Casa and Alan Camilleri in their sexy swim trunks, his voting document for last Saturday and an unused complimentary VIP ticket from Network Events for the flop concert of that comical Italian group Ricchi e Poveri.


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