I have never had a dog by the name of Fido. That, I believe, would be cruelty to animals. Having said that, it would not be inappropriate to call some dogs by the name of Fido. Fido reminds of that puerile children’s Q&A, which goes something like this:

Q: Fido the dog is tied to a tree with a 10-foot length of rope. He wants to get to his doggie bowl which is 15 feet away So Fido trots over and starts eating his din-dins. How did Fido do it?
A: Who ever said that his food was in his doggie bowl? Maybe it was on the ground only eight feet away...

In my eyes, Fido would be a big hairy dog with the jaws and claws of a terrestrial reptile from the Mesozoic era.
The only problem being that instead of biting arms and legs off an intruder, the burly creature would jump up and salivate over him or else roll over and wag his tail to express his affection.
So when the ‘unjins’, as the Maltese newspapers spell them in their new age Maltese, decided to come together in an unprecedented move and protest, one was expecting some really ugly scenes; some daredevil antics, some eloquent speeches and above all some very important directives. I for one was looking forward to some French union action.
Now, I must be missing something, somewhere, but the very historical decision taken by the ‘unjins’ on Friday was … ‘to request a meeting with the Prime Minister.’
Why they needed to ask people to brave the weather, instead of just sending an email to Edgar Galea Curmi, beats me.
All of a sudden my adrenal gland started to make ugly noises asking me if it could sleep for another 20 years. And sooner rather than later, I needed a blood transfusion to remove all the adrenaline from my system.
Worse still, Oskar, my kelb tal-fenek, is an anarchist by nature and was earnestly waiting for the ‘unjins’ directive. Well, he lost his cool and started accusing the ‘unjin’ leaders of being a bunch of FIDOS.
No amount of sweet talk would stop him from barking.
“Stop it,” I said. “How can you call Tony Zarb or Gejtu Vella a chicken?”
But Oskar replied (translated): “I did not call them chickens. I just think that they should call it a day and let some fresh blood take over. I am sick and tired of hearing empty words. My Italian and French cousins know what I am talking about!”
And he went on, insisting that they were all bark and no bite.
Now, we all know the fact that the unions have come together as one big family. The reason for this is one of the following. Please answer this multiple choice question, and then send the answers to Paul Borg Olivier with a disclaimer not to use the information for electoral reasons.

(a) Lawrence Gonzi’s success story in failing to bring social harmony between the social partners.
(b) Austin Gatt being such a nice guy.
(c) Austin Gatt being... Austin Gatt.
(d) Inability to transmit a message by any other means.
(e) Telling the social partners to eat humble pie
(f) Utility tariffs
(g) The weather
(h) Menopause
(i) Witchcraft
(j) Sonny Portelli’s Kissinger-like negotiation style
(k) Peppi Azzopardi’s very objective, impartial TV show

Needless to say, the protest or manifestation was a direct reaction to Austin Gatt attitude and ability to gel arch enemies and bring them together against the Nationalist administration.
Surely, Lawrence Gonzi must be a very sad man.
If there was ever a time to look in the mirror and repeat, hand on heart, in a loud voice: ‘mea culpa, mea culpa, mea grandissima culpa,’ this, dear Lawrence, is the moment.
Lawrence, I am sure, can look into the mirror; but I have the feeling he cannot look straight into Austin’s eyes and tell him to slow down and drink some green tea.
Then again, Lawrence must be very happy that the unions have had no access to their grey matter and instead of raising a gun to the Prime Minister’s temple, they found the courage to ask… for a… yes, go on, say it… a… meeting.
The people who were expecting their elected union leaders to bare their chest and flex their muscles must be a very unhappy bunch today. Today must not be their day.
They feel that with or without their union leaders they are – how shall we put it? – more or less in the same rut.
They know that when the time comes, there is nothing that will stop the government from walking all over them.

JPO is definitely not a Fido

Well, if the unions are ideal role models for Fido, surely the vain and formerly green warrior, disgraced MP Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando, is not even close to being a Fido.
You have to hand it to him. He has the gall to stand in the line of fire, take all the flak, and smile.
Last election he was elected in two districts, next time round he will be eliminated in such a short time that there will be no chance for the machine coffee to get cold.
Pullicino Orlando has no political future – and the fact that he is still around is only because the Nationalist party has a one-seat majority and a Prime Minister who reminds me of Maffeo Barberini.
(Maffeo Barberini was a Pope best remembered for the massive debts incurred during his papacy that greatly weakened his successors. They were unable to maintain the Pope's longstanding political or military influence in Europe. He was also involved in the controversy with Galileo and his heliocentric theory).
So this week, JPO (as we affectionately know him) lashed out the planned excavation at St John’s Cathedral. It was a passionate plea to stop this sacrilege: a sacrilege as great, I guess, as the way Mistra Bay was going to be changed into an eyesore... even though JPO said he did not know what it was all about, at some stage during all those publicised statements which I will be presenting in court to defend myself for saying the truth about JPO.
But more interesting than all these stories about Fido was JPO’s indirect onslaught on Cardinal Richard: or “The Cardinal” as he has come to be known to everyone, even those who adore him and think he is greatest thing that ever happened to them.
Now, really and truly it is no secret, but The Cardinal has privately expressed dismay at JPO.
Had JPO’s Mistra story spilt well before the last election, there is very little doubt that the Nationalist party would not be in government today.
Richard would very much like JPO to go, and leave the PN alone. He is after all a liability to the party.
But JPO has shown extreme resilience. He has plodded on, keeping a brave face in public and insinuating that the stories concocted in his regard were fuelled by commercial competitors. Well, he can believe what he wants.
But MR TEARS FOR FEARS cannot deny that his political career is over.
Before lashing out at the proposed underground construction, he praised the work of Mario De Marco at the MTA. The eulogies contrasted with his unkind words before the election for Zammit Dimech. At the time, JPO was, as we all know, eyeing this ministry for himself.
But his eulogy for De Marco reveals a mindset. De Marco and family are after all not exactly Cardinal aficionados, so it follows that JPO typically attempts to divide and conquer.
Yet on the question of JPO, no amount of ‘greening’ can save JPO and bring him back. His reputation is tarnished and though he may or may not have an argument on the extension proposed at St John’s, I suggest he does as all good disgraced Korean politicians do: run away to Hallasan, a remote and extinct 1,950-metre volcano, and not meet people for the rest of their lives.

 

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