All the apparatchiks at Mile End were in foul mood this week, evidently lost for words at the Trojan Horse unleashed by the Prime Minister in his last budget before going to the polls.
As expected, on Monday Lawrence Gonzi pulled the pantry doors wide open leaving Labour gasping for breath as their Pjan Ghal Bidu Gdid was intrusively deflowered page by page. Less income tax, more benefits, higher COLA, stipends for kids studying abroad, bigger army salaries… my word! I thought I heard someone from the Labour side moaning in introverted pleasure as Gonzi got more and more fiscal.
At the post-Budget press conference, you could sense Charlon Gouder feeling violated as he waved “Pjan Gdid” at Gonzi like a pair of soiled knickers. Gonzi, at his calmest and most reassured of late, almost lighted up. The suggestion that the Nationalists had pimped the Budget off Labour’s proposals was of course not entirely incorrect – they will be returning the favour when they credit Labour as the think-tank Tonio Fenech spent months bouncing ideas off.
Intrepid in playing down Gonzi’s budgetary coup, Labour mounted their billboard offensive: ‘Too Little, Too Late’, complained with displeasure the Labour poster, not satisfied with neither the size of Gonzi’s package nor his timing.
What a wasted billboard! So out of synch with the electorate, and yet so humorous as Smiley, Smarmy, Silly, Dopey, Chumpy and the entire cabinet were portrayed laughing like double-chinned, moon-faced morons. Except for Jesmond Mugliett. Look closely. It’s that familiar mischievous snigger when we break wind.

Alfred Sant is evidently peeved at the base insinuations the Nationalists and browbeat politicians like Austin Gatt are capable of, more so with the intensity of the comments so many years down the line.
In his dismissal of the PN’s “hamallagni” last Wednesday in MaltaToday – that’s a word which will always pull the class carpet from underneath the Nationalists – Sant plays the bullied kid in the playground, but all the more human a politician, who despite the brazen disrespect chooses not to attack his conspirators: “What should I do? Comment about Dr Gonzi or Mrs Gonzi?” he said.
I don’t know whether he tried to lay the question by leaving us musing over what arsenal of spite and poison he might have in store for wifey. If he’s going for the hairstyle, he’s playing for a draw.

Do you know what university students actually get to eat right outside the university gates? Sushi. A trendy sushi bar located right outside university for students living on government handouts with no concern for the extinction of Mediterranean bluefin tuna. Lashings of soy-drenched sashimi paid for by your taxes, darling proletarians and slavish middle-classes.
Why do I point this out? Partly out of envy as a former student whose stipend went on nightmare servings of starch, not sushi. Partly because this generous budget earmarks €19 million (Lm8.16 million) for post-secondary and university stipends next year. And a further €41 million (Lm17.6 million) in children’s allowances will be handed to parents producing future stocks of university students whose only contribution to society is acne. Honestly, sometimes I feel like Victor Meldrew.

mvella@medaitoday.com.mt