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Be alert not suspicious. This is the classic advice for parents and other adults. It goes without saying that a warm contact filled with confidence between parents and children is important, but that is not enough.
Here is what one agonised Maltese parent said to me: “Before the drugs reached our family I thought that parents’ not noticing their child’s abuse was due to the fact that something in the family was wrong. Bad contact, indifference and lack of love.
“Looking back, I have to admit that my son showed many signs of abuse. But I saw them as signs of adolescence and liberation, signs of my son searching an identity and ideals of his own. He did – in the world of drugs.”
The teenagers’ first experiments with drugs usually take place in situations where they feel safe to avoid the control of adults.
But if your child appreciates the positive effects of the dope, an active period, similar to a love story, may start. Then you can notice the early signs of abuse. In most cases, the youngster’s experiments with drugs have been going on for a longer time that you think or your child will admit. You can never trust a child who says it was the first or the last time. Early, revelation helps preventing. If we notice our teenager’s use of drugs at an early stage, we can save them from abuse.
We can also break off the spreading of drugs between young people. The first stage of a drug abuse is easy to conceal. We, the parents, usually help the concealment by denying that our child is in danger. The reason for this denial is our will to trust our teenagers along with the fear and the feeling of guilt and shame that appears with the suspicion of abuse.
Parents often get so frightened that their denial is a proper psychical protection. Most of us want ‘proof’ before acting, but in most cases parents never see the narcotics or their child under the influence of them. If you ask some teenagers whether they have friends who use drugs the great majority of them answer “No.” They don’t want to “betray” their friends. They stand up for the drug – the new toy or even the new love, if you see these signs on your child beware: often borrowing money and things disappear from home; ‘never’ at home; new friends that you don’t know; without reach – the confidential chats no longer exist; contempt for old friends, interests, family and school; downhearted; the white of the eye gelling reddish and they often snuffle; often thirsty and hungry for sweets; has bad nightmares; truancy from school or work.
The worst thing you can do is to do nothing at all. At an early stage drug abuse is not too hard to cope with. But if you wait, the problems will grow into a great crisis and conflicts. Be open-hearted and frank with the youngsters. Collaborate with the knowledgeable people from ‘Sedqa’ or ‘Caritas’ – this is rather crucial. Rely on your intuition, love and common sense. Dare being open and uncomfortable to your child. Drugs are never a part of a natural development only a part of the development into an addict.
Valerie Borg
Valletta
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